McVeigh’s Law of Conspiracies

McVeigh’s Law of Conspiracies states that as people and enterprises are added to a conspiracy theory, the probability of that theory’s truth approaches zero.

Another way of saying this is that the plausibility of every conspiracy theory is equal to a ratio of the size and scope of the characteristics of the people and enterprises involved in the conspiracy theory, including the telling of the conspiracy theory itself. The equation looks like this:

Where:
I1 = Instances that The X-Files is referenced in the conversation about the conspiracy theory
T1 = Total number of times you have heard or read about the conspiracy theory in question
S1 = Stains on the shirt of the person telling you the conspiracy theory
B = Number of conspirators (so named after the most famous conspirator, Brutus)
U = URLs devoted directly to the conspiracy theory in question (but not derivations thereof)
L1= Number of declarations in the conspiracy theory that would be lies if the theory is false
L2 = Losers that already believe the conspiracy theory and are all too ready to say “I told you so.”
S2 = Total number of sentences needed to tell the conspiracy
H = Number of man hours needed to successfully complete the conspiracy
I2 = Probable number of times the losers from L2 will actually say “I told you so.”
T2 = Total number of degrees the main conspirator is related to Kevin Bacon

McVeigh’s Law of Conspiracies is the most reliable way of telling if a conspiracy is truthful and worth thinking about. It is used by both conspiracy proponents and detractors alike, whenever it suits their argument, which it always does.

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Author: Joe McVeigh

I'm a linguist who researches email marketing. I also teach at the University of Jyväskylä in Finland. I write about language and linguistics on my blog, ...And Read All Over, and I write about language and marketing on my other blog, Email and Linguistics.

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