No “Cali” in “Philly”

Over the summer, I went to the Cheesecake Factory. Despite the name, it’s a nice, mid-scale chain restaurant in the US. They have a large menu with more options for vegetarians than the average joint. They also have something called a “California cheesesteak”:

This is literally* a Philly cheesesteak. That’s it. That’s what’s in a Philly cheesesteak. Points to the Cheesecake Factory for spelling “cheesesteak” as one word, but I guess that wasn’t hard when they were just straight ripping off the rest of the ingredients. Maybe it’s like a Philly cheesesteak, but not as good because it’s made in California. Kind of like pizza. Maybe that’s what they were going for. I don’t know because there was no way I was ordering it.

*Like, literally literally. Like actually, not figuratively.

Update on the future

Just a quick note: I will be updating this site more frequently from now on (because, you know, I have all the time in the world). I’ve changed the look slightly and I may tinker some more (I’d like to make the posts wider). I’ve also noticed that it’s been a bit of a downer here with the last couple of posts being negative reviews. But I have some reviews coming up of stuff I liked! And then I’ll have some other stuff I didn’t. I’ll also writing some shorter posts, in addition to my usual long-winded, time-consuming ramblings. See you in the future!

Such a Nice Little Spammer

Since coming over to WordPress from Blogger (a move I should have made a long time ago), I’ve noticed a lot more spam comments. I’m not sure why. Fortunately, Askimet has picked up all of them so far.

What’s really interesting is that the spam comments I receive aren’t anything like the spam emails I receive. None of them want me to grow my manhood and none of them are from Nigerian royalty. Maybe everyone on WordPress already knows about this, but I wanted to highlight a few things. I also thought a good mocking of the spammers would be fun.

First, almost all of the spam comments have been on my book review of The Loved One by Evelyn Waugh. Why this is, I don’t know. It’s not my first post, nor is it my best. I guess the spammers only go for the high brow stuff.

Second, the language is confusing since it’s no better or worse than the legitimate comments I see around the net. It’s the links and/or the user names, however, that gives the spammers away – “Beats By Dre” and “DoMeDolls(dot)com” are two of the most recent ones. Whatever happened to a good ol’ user name like LordDragonSlayer47? Or, more interestingly, how is it that we know a user name like that clearly represents a real commenter?

Finally, here are a few examples of spam comments left on my site, with their links removed and my comments added.

From Beats by Dre on The Loved One by Evelyn Waugh:

Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?

I don’t know how we could communicate. More added agreeable maybe?

From Orville Ras on The Loved One by Evelyn Waugh:

You can use the process of elimination. For example my next post mentions Breitbart and Stranahan so you know it isn’t them.

Well, that’s two suspects down. By the way, who are we looking for again?

From Jenise Landers on The Loved One by Evelyn Waugh:

I can just say that of a relief to discover somebody that actually knows what theyre talking about on the net. You definitely know how to bring a worry to light making it important. Lots more people must read this and see why side in the story. I cant believe you aren’t widely used since you definitely hold the gift.

I cant believe it either, Jenise, but remember: Flattery will get you nowhere. Apostrophes might though.

From Garret Ply on The Loved One by Evelyn Waugh, which is a review of a book published in 1948:

that is one of the best articles i’ve seen about TV’s lately, really tells me alot about what goin on in TV market this days

That, ladies and gentleman, is called definitely holding the gift.

[Update 22 March 2012] I couldn’t resist adding this one I got recently on my post about grammar checkers. There’s just something about it that has me cracking up.

Word Press DOES give my life meaning! It’s TRUE!Before WordPress there was only Darkness, the Void, and the urlmbcy bits at the bottom of the bag of chips. That’s not to say that the urlmbcy bits are bad or anything, it’s just that they’re REALLY laden with sodium benzoate and all manner of artificial colorings and flavorings. Speaking of which, have you ever LOOKED at the ingredients on a bag of chips? And what exactly is a snack ring ? Corn Chips I understand, but Snack Rings ? That’s a mystery. Some sort of corn product paste, I think .ANYWAY, WordPress is gonna’ send me a free tee-shirt. At least I think so. Think they might offer me a JOB?A JOB. Y’all READING this? I WANT A JOB with you guys!I can’t code to save my life, but I can sure write copy, and not just your run-of-the-mill boilerplate crap, but really engaging patter, and spell-checked to boot!Listen, I live on the Big Island of Hawai’i, in a converted school bus with my wife Anna and a very cool cat named Henry. Anna’s a brilliant recording artist and Henry rules our lives. We sell baked potatoes at our local farmers’ market one day a week and I could REALLY use the cash.Thanks so much for your CAREFUL ATTENTION TO MY PLEA.DaveLike this? 0

“Corn Chips I understand, but Snack Rings […] WordPress is gonna’ send me a free tee-shirt. At least I think so […] Y’all READING this? […] baked potatoes (?) […] DaveLike this?”

These aren’t the words of a spammer, they are the ravings of a lunatic. And spell-checked to boot!

The more I read this, the harder I laugh.