Humans Are Fucked

And I have proof.

Normally I’m an upbeat guy. I like to always look on the bright side of life. But every now and then something comes along that reminds me the human race is doomed. Case in point: Pennsylvania state law requires hospitals and birth centers to tell new parents to not shake their baby. That’s right. The Pennsylvania State Legislature has decided that its citizenry is so dumb that they need to be told not to shake their newborn children. And not only do parents have to be told, they have to sign a form saying they were told – probably for when their dumbasses come crying because they shook their baby.

CT scanning is one technique used to diagnose Shaken Baby Syndrome and prove that we are delaying the inevitable.

Want to know what’s worse? Pennsylvania isn’t the only state with such a law. Here’s an incomplete list from the National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome. Again, that’s an incomplete list. There are more. Also, the National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome is a real thing. Capitalized title and everything. If you’re not thinking, “What the holy fuckstick?” than you are proof that the human race is doomed.

I know this is just a couple of states, but if you are of the mind that a human being’s home state does not effect how likely they are to shake their baby, then you are of the mind that we are so fucked.

So very, very fucked.

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Author: Joe McVeigh

I'm a linguist who researches email marketing. I also teach at the University of Jyväskylä in Finland. I write about language and linguistics on my blog, ...And Read All Over, and I write about language and marketing on my other blog, Email and Linguistics.

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