Tag: Rick Santorum

Santorum Samples Vol. 4

Joe McVeighLeave a comment

Santorum Samples are passages from Rick Santorum’s It Takes a Family. They are deliberately taken out of context in an attempt to show that Mr. Santorum is a rational human being. Because we all know that when viewed in context, Rick Santorum is a jackass. Find more samples here or just click on the tab above.

From p. 37:

“Irving Kristol once wrote that the most subversive question that can be posed to civilization is: why not? Thanks to the decision of four activist judges in Massachusetts, that is a question we now must face as Americans. In order to answer the question of “Why not?” with respect to same-sex marriage, we have to come to a fuller understanding of what marriage is. Is it simply about publicly honoring a romantic attachment? That’s what the highest court in Ontario, Canada, believes. Just in time for the June wedding season of 2003 that court wrote, as it ruled in favor of same-sex marriages:

Marriage is, without dispute, one of the most significant forms of personal relationship…. Through the institution of marriage, individuals can publicly express their love and commitment to each other. Through this institution, society publicly recognized expressions of love and commitment between individuals, granting them respect and legitimacy as a couple.*

Marriage in this view means nothing more to society, to what we are as a people, and to our future, than making people feel accepted. The state’s interest in promoting and stamping approval upon a marriage starts and stops with tolerance, and therefore it is meaningless.”

Lessons learned:

1. Here’s the game show that is playing in Rick Santorum’s head:

Welcome to Who Defines Marriage?!, the game show where one lucky winner gets to define marriage for the rest of the country! Let’s meet our contestants. Hailing from lovely Everywhere, USA, is Society! Society is reasonably conflicted over this, but no matter – the part of it that opposes same-sex marriage will be dead soon! Next up, we have the Courts! With a flair for the dramatic and a style that is both comfortable and classy, the Courts usually consider their best trait to be the ability to grant equality to all. And last but not least, we have Rick Santorum! Rick believes he deserves to define marriage because, hey, what he thinks is good for (his) God is damn well good for everyone else – whether they like it or not! … And the winner is Rick Santorum!

2. Tolerance makes things meaningless. Sooooo…. Fuck you to all the non-white, non-straight, non-Christian non-male people out there. Society’s tolerance of you is ruining Rick Santorum’s meaning.

3. Blame Canada!
 

 

 

*Also, us here at …And Read All Over would like to send a warm Fuck yeah! to the highest court in Ontario.

Scandal Rocks the Kemblesville Mayor’s Office!

Joe McVeighLeave a comment

Mayor Irving’s Facebook account is hacked! Will he become the next Anthony Weiner?

Yesterday, a suspicious message was posted on Mayor Ryan F. Irving’s (I) Facebook wall. The message read:

I regret to inform you that I am stepping down as Mayor of Kemblesville.

Irving believes his account was hacked, possibly by someone from the Rick Santorum camp.

This isn’t the first time Mayor Irving has been involved in controversy. We all remember when he tried to move the Indianapolis Colts to Kemblesville in the middle of the night, his reasons being that that was how they got to Indianapolis in the first place. Then there was the scandal involving his deputy mayor, Ramona C. McVeigh, who tried to unseat him while he was in Indianapolis.

And, of course, there are those on the internet who keep removing his section from Wikipedia, claiming that it is “incomplete, unverified and poorly written.” As if that’s a reason to delete sections of Wikipedia and not the most accurate description of Wikipedia itself.

Well, as campaign manager, I can attest that everything you read on his Wikipedia contains nothing but truthiness. This article is verification of that fact. Check it out before his internet enemies strike at his Wikipedia section again.

Taliban to Keep Don’t Ask, Don’t Be Gay Policy for Militants

Joe McVeighLeave a comment

In completely unsurprising news out of Afghanistan today, the Taliban has reiterated its Don’t Ask, Don’t Be Gay policy for it’s militants. According to the policy, letting openly gay men serve is “just not their thing.”

In a statement issued to …And Read All Over, one of the Taliban’s prominent leaders on the group’s DADG policy, Rickwar al-Santorumqi, was quoted as saying:

Yeah, I — I would say any type of sexual activity has absolutely no place in the Taliban. And the fact that they’re making a point to include it as a provision within the Taliban that we are going to recognize a group of people and give them a special privilege to — to — and removing “Don’t ask, Don’t be gay” I think tries to inject social policy into the Taliban. And the Taliban’s job is to do one thing, and that is to defend our country.
We need to give the Taliban, which is all-volunteer, the ability to do so in a way that is most efficient at protecting our men and women in uniform. And I believe this undermines that ability.

In keeping the policy, the Taliban has left intact the strong similarities it has with some American states, social groups, and political parties, where homosexuality is still very much illegal and grounds for torment and abuse. These similarities have traditionally been downplayed by both Taliban militants and American homophobes.

Santorum Samples Vol. 3

Joe McVeighLeave a comment

Santorum Samples (previously Santorum Bites) are passages from Rick Santorum’s It Takes a Family. They are deliberately taken out of context in an attempt to show that Mr. Santorum is a rational human being. Because we all know that when viewed in context, Rick Santorum is a jackass. Find more samples here.

From pages 236-237:

What I feared the Court would do in Lawrence in striking down the Texas sodomy statute is finally and completely eliminate marriage as a privileged institution in our laws and simply expand the zone of privacy in sexual conduct to all consenting adults. That is exactly what they did: marriage has now completely lost its special place in the law. The Court said in effect that marriage has not only outlived its legal usefulness, it said it is discriminatory to treat people differently based on such an outdated social construct. Therefore, over the past generation, it has decided to change the zone of sexual “privacy” from one man and one woman in marriage to consenting adults, period. So, to paraphrase my own quote above: if consent is the only standard to have your sexual behavior protected by the Constitution, then how can the Court prohibit any consensual sexual behavior among two, three, or more people? The answer is logically, judicially, that you cannot – for other than arbitrary reasons. That is why there have already been several cases filed by polygamists seeking similar constitutional protection on the basis of Lawrence.

Lessons learned:
1. So, gay sex between consenting adults isn’t like polygamy, any sex between consenting adults is – unless those consenting adults are a married man and woman. But of course!
2. Somewhere, two or more people unmarried but consenting adults are having non-traditional sex. There should be a law against that.
3. Coming soon to bookstores: Rick Santorum’s Guide to Who You Can Have Sex With and the Legal Way You Can Have Sex With Them.
4. It’s impossible that anyone in the history of ever has had a worse sex life than Rick Santorum’s wife. Fucking impossible.
5. Also – buttsecks! Bonus!

Santorum Samples Vol. 2

Joe McVeighLeave a comment

Santorum Samples (previously Santorum Bites) are passages from Rick Santorum’s It Takes a Family. They are deliberately taken out of context in an attempt to show that Mr. Santorum is a rational human being. Because we all know that when viewed in context, Rick Santorum is a jackass. Find more samples here or by clicking the Santorum Bites tab above.

From page 128:

The so-called sexual liberation of the late 1960s took hold in society, I believe, because of two principal factors: the legalization of abortion, which started in the late 1960s and culminated with Roe v. Wade in 1973, and – for low-income women – the availability of abortion plus the financial safety net provided by government welfare. The data are clear that welfare enabled out-of-wedlock childbirth (because the financial and, over time, social consequences – i.e., shame – were not as devastating) and, conversely, made marriage unnecessary.

Lessons learned:
1.Low-income women were a major cause of whatever Rick Santorum calls the “sexual liberation of the late 1960s.”
2. Welfare recipients need a way bigger dose of devastating shame. Then maybe they’d stop banging each other before they get married.
3. Fucking poor people.

Santorum Samples

Joe McVeighLeave a comment

Santorum Samples (previously Santorum Bites) are passages from Rick Santorum’s It Takes a Family. They are deliberately taken out of context in an attempt to show that Mr. Santorum is a rational human being. Because we all know that when viewed in context, Rick Santorum is a jackass. Find more samples here.

We got rid of our broken sofa, so now that Mr. Santorum’s book is no longer serving its primary function, I had to do something with it. Waste not, want not.

From page 140:

This is what happens when you have enough faith in everybody to rise and take responsibility for their lives and to make the right choices. With welfare reform, the government stopped enabling destructive behavior. We changed the paradigm for unmarried women: having children no longer means life-long government support, but rather (as it should) work and sacrifice.

Lessons learned:
1. For unmarried women, having children out of wedlock is “destructive behavior.”
2. Your government has decided that such “destructive behavior” will (as it should) be punished by “work and sacrifice.”
3. Presumably, you will still be taxed by your government for your work.
4. You’re welcome!