Are you feeling down in the dumps? Has pressure at work got you stressed out? Do you feel like one of those depressed losers that are always on TV? Are you one of those depressed losers on TV?
Well, well, well, have I got some good news for you? I have just finished researching and developing a system that is 100% guaranteed to kick those blues. 100% sure to turn that frown upside down! 100% proven to keep you from being such an annoying depressed little shit!
It’s called Dr. Joe McVeigh’s Facebook Uphoria Creator & Dignity Umptulator (FUCKU) and with just 3 easy steps, it will have you happier and more self-confident than Lil John at a senior prom. But let me allow the program speak for itself.
Go on Facebook and befriend everyone you went to high school with – the losers, the twats, the trouser stains – the people you never wanted to see again. Don’t worry about these people not accepting your friend request. They won’t. At this stage in the game, they need you more than you need them.
Monitor their status updates. Take careful note of how inane and inconsequential they truly are. Keep a careful eye out for updates with that weepy, poor-me shit.
Take great satisfaction out of the fact that you are not these losers that you are now “friends” with. Earn self-esteem from their sad, pitiful lives.
Step 4 (Bonus step!):
Have fun! Have a drink, go dancing, bump some lines, play some Russian roulette – do whatever you want until you get depressed again and need to log back into Facebook.
Don’t wait! For three easy payments of $24.99, you too could find out how Facebook can sure your depression & improve your self-esteem with my patented FUCKU program. Operators are standing by.