Twumping Bachmann

Michele, we need to talk. I’ve been hearing these crazy things about you. I mean really crazy things. At first, I said to myself everything’s cool because these crazy things match your crazy eyes. It’s what makes them sparkle.

But there’s something bigger at stake here.

The fact is, Michele, you’ve been ignoring me. How many times does a normal Joe like me need to tell a Member of Congress to tweet their Congress member? I thought that’s what Congress members Members of Congress were good for. I also thought we were off to a good start. I followed you, you followed me, things were looking up. But where have we followed each other to?

It’s the 11th hour now and you still haven’t thrown the Hail Mary. I’m afraid I’ve lost faith in you. I’m going to have to Twump™ you. It sounds cute, but in this day and age, being Twitter dumped is like being really dumped. Like for real for real.

I wish you the best of luck in your craziness and your gay conversions. Here’s hoping your program will work on your husband. I know there are lots of gay men out there just waiting to embrace Marcus Bachmann.

[Update – Jan. 4, 2011] See what happens when you don’t tweet your Congress member, Michele?

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How Do You Use The Twitter?

Just a quick update on the people following @congressmembers, the Twitter account I started so politicians would have a safe place to send pictures of their naughty bits and avoid their own personal Weinergate.. Yes, my childish mind really started a Twitter account for that (see the post on it here). But more importantly, get a load of these dopes:

1. Michele Bachmann – It looks like Minnesota’s least favorite politician is in it for the long run – in support of a safe haven for politicians to tweet pictures of their dongs and dongettes, that is. While it is probable that Ms. Bachmann does not handle her Twitter account, it appears that someone working for her either sucks at their job or has a twisted sense of humor. I’m hoping for the latter.

Still one of my favorite emails.

2. Ted Cruz – Here’s someone from Texas who’s trying to get in the Senate. Yo Ted, are you as awful at governing as you are at twittering? Or does Michele Bachmann’s best/worst employee also monitor your Twitter account?

3. LawyersforPerry – We want the Twitter! You can’t handle the Twitter!

4. ElephantAttire* – Did you ever wish your clothes could love Jesus and America and America Jesus as much as you do? Now they can! I actually think this is a great idea and wish I had thought of it. It’s like hemp clothing for everyone between Pittsburgh and Denver. You know, Real ‘Mercans™.

5. CJTaganos – Hands down the sanest one of my followers. CJTaganos uses Twitter for its true intention – professing one’s love for Vanessa Hudgens.

It’s possible that the conservatives on this list are following me because they get the joke, but does anyone really believe that?

*@AmericanJesusClothesRUs (aka ElephantAttire) is no longer following me. Even though our Twitlationship™ was short, I’ll never forget the wonderful moments we shared. They tried to hawk some GodLovesAmerica clothes on me, I told them they’re dipshits. Alas, it was not meant to be.

Michele Bachmann Follows @congressmembers on Twitter*

Michele Bachmann has become the first politician to jump on the @congressmembers bus. I applaud this move. It shows that she’s not afraid to take chances, be brave, and help the country move beyond Weinergate.

I am actively awaiting Michele to tweet me her twat, but until the sexual spirit moves her, why don’t you enjoy this lovely picture that appeared in my inbox today. I know I did.

I was going to update the previous post with this news, but I thought it deserved a post all on its own. Here’s hoping @SarahPalinUSA gets on board with this movement.

*Intended to be a factual statement… cause it totally is.

Zach Kopplin – 1, Christian Idiots – 0

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

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That was Zach Kopplin fighting the good fight… of science.

From Bobby Henderson of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster:

Here’s a video of Zack Kopplin on Hardball last night. Zack is the student battling the Lousiana Science Education Act – a law that would allow “supplemental textbooks and other teaching materials” into science classrooms. Zack saw this (correctly) as a backdoor method to teach Creationism and has been leading the fight against it.

Mr. Kopplin also throws down the gauntlet for Michele Bachmann, who has claimed that Nobel Laureates support Creationism. Guess what? 43 Nobel Laureates have pledged support for Zach Kopplin. This is the second high schooler to challenge Bachmann on facts. If you’ll remember Amy Myers, high school sophomore from New Jersey, wants to debate Bachmann on US Civics and History. I hope neither one of them holds their breath waiting for Bachmann to back up her “facts.”

Anyways, what Mr. Kopplin is doing is as bold as is it noble. It unfortunately also points out the state of affairs, when a 17-year-old has to stand up for the students of his state because the Christian adults are trying to push their belief systems on other people’s children. But you got to admit, it’s a pretty aggressive form of proselytizing. It could be called spreading the good word, if it wasn’t trying to rid the education system of good words like, oh, science, evolution, rationality, etc.

Remember, missionaries, you catch more flies with honey…

Jersey Girls Rule, Rep. Michele Bachmann Drools

Cherry Hill, NJ, resident Amy Myers has openly challenged Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann to a debate on the US Constitution, US History, and US Civics. The interesting part? Amy Myers is a sophomore in high school.

The story seems to come from a letter dated April 29, which was then uploaded to CNN’s iReport on May 6. After that, the rest is history, as the story was picked up by Nick Pinto of Minneapolis’ City Pages, Andy Birkey of the Minnesota Independent, and Richard Metzger of Dangerous Minds. And, yes, of course there’s a Facebook page for the cause.

Pictured: Ol’ Crazy Eyes

If Amy Myers of Cherry Hill New Jersey really exists, then I applaud her. If she’s a really real person who really made this challenge, then there are two very important things that could come out of such a debate. One, as Richard Metzger said, he “would pay good money to see [this debate].” He then made the point of how much money could be raised for a women’s charity from such a debate. It could be for a good cause, Michele…

Two, Amy Myers says to Rep. Bachmann in the letter that “The statements you make help to serve an injustice to not only the position of Congresswoman, but women everywhere. Though politically expedient, incorrect comments cast a shadow on your person and by unfortunate proxy, both your supporters and detractors alike often generalize this shadow to women as a whole.” Well, let me be the first to say that the statements Amy makes help to serve a justice to Jersey gals everywhere, who, by unfortunate proxy, often get a bad rap.

So big up yourself, Amy Myers. If you really exist, that is.

Oh man, I hope this is for real.