The Missing Links – 4.8 – Hey! Ho! Let’s Go! Edition

The Missing Links is just what it sounds like – a collection of links to interesting things I found on the interwebs this week. I hope you enjoy them. This is the eleventh in a never-ending series.

Winner! The Ramones, or the band that I have decided to listen listen to exclusively. For those of you not informed, The A.V. Club has a great introduction to the Ramones and their work. Gabba Gabba Hey.
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A Close Second: mental_floss has a really great article on Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On
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Best in Show: Maps of War has a really cool 90-second video showing the kingdoms that have ruled the Middle East. Really cool. Now I want to read a book on Middle Eastern history. Any suggestions?
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And this week’s Crazypants Award goes to… Cheesus

Are you in favor of old white women governing what goes on in your balls? Or old white men governing what goes on in your vag? What does your invisible man in the sky tell you? Here’s what the FSM has to say.
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Speaking of God and stuff, I bet you’re wondering if the Bible says you can stone that gay couple that just moved in down the street. Not for being gay, you can’t. If you see them picking up wood on Saturday, on the other hand…
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The New York Times has an interesting article on the mathematics of ancient Babylonia. And, yes, the history of math is interesting.
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Have you seen my stapler?

Language Js

The Hot Word on the history of the letter J
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English in the twentieth century, according to the OED.

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The Missing Links – 4.1 – April Fools’ Day Edition

This post was published yesterday, on Friday, just like all the other Missing Links posts. April Fools. Whah whah whah.

The Missing Links is just what it sounds like – a collection of links to interesting things I found on the interwebs this week. I hope you enjoy them. This is the tenth in a never-ending series.

Winner! Historically Hardcore, a series of Smithsonian ads created by Jenny Burrows and Matt Kepler, highlights how much more hardcore historical figures were than modern day rockers and rappers. The ads were not sanctioned by the Smithsonian, however. See why after the jump.
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A Close Second: Women asking for equal pay is the same as children demanding candy and mentally handicapped people lashing out violently. So says Major Douche Bag Scott Admas, who created the comic Dilbert. Warning: Do not investigate beyond this link. It’s just going to piss you off more.
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Best in Show: Thankfully, when the world ends on May 21, 2011, I will be at a wedding reception for two dear friends (Ramino forever!). But here’s a few people that, shall we say, miscalculated the end of days.
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And this week’s Crazypants Award goes to… Rick Santorum! Rick Santorum is still a piece of shit. And still worthy of his synonym.

One of the Historically Hardcore ads by Burrows and Kepler

Indi Cowie wants to be the best female soccer player and freestyler in the world. I think she’s well on her way to that end.
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Spam Recycling is a cool thing to do with your emails from that Nigerian prince.
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Love the Liberry is a great blog that offers insight into the bat shit crazy things that liberrians have to deal with everyday.
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A letter from Lois Lane to Warner Bros. In it, the real Lois Lane (the late Joanne Siegel, wife of Superman co-creator) describes the ways that WB CEO Jeffrey Bewkes and co. has tried to screw her and her family over. Truth, justice, and… fuck you.
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Willie Nelson has been offered the option of singing his way out of a marijuana charge. And there’s nothing I can do about it now.
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Introducing… Gmail Motion – the future of writing emails!

Political links that are sure to depress you

It seems almost pointless to do this, but here it is: the VP of Fox News admits to intentionally lying on air. I find it amazing that the lying part is not what surprises me. But then again, there’s a reason I don’t watch Fox News…

Language Links that couldn’t find their butts with both hands:

Here’s a few Texan sayings for you. One of my favorites: If I ordered a whole trainload of sons of bitches, and they only sent him, I’d accept the shipment.

Patriot’s vs People’s – Part III – Patriot’s Chapter 1

Patriot’s vs People’s is an analytical review of two books about American history that most would assume are politically opposed – Larry Schweikart and Michael Allen’s A Patriot’s Guide to the History of the United States and Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States. It started as an idea after I bought Zinn’s book and was given Schweikart and Allen’s by an uncle who so rightly explained his gift as a way for me to read “the other side of the story.” I decided to read them side by side, chapter by chapter, in order to compare and contrast the two works to each other. It didn’t go so well. This is Part III, here are Part I, Part II and Part IV.

There’s a New U.S. History Book in Town… Because the Old One Sucked

Patriot’s was written because Schweikart and Allen thought that People’s was insufficient, while People’s was written because Zinn thought older U.S. History books were insufficient. And the authors of those history books most likely thought the U.S. History books of their day were insufficient. And on and on…


But since People’s clearly states that it is not a complete history of America, it’s pretty much off the hook. It subverts the U.S. History book model by focusing on everything part of American history that has been either ignored or pushed under the rug.

Patriot’s, on the other hand, sets itself up for a monumental task – and potentially a monumental failure. So let’s look at how it falls short.

Since Patriot’s specifically called out People’s in its introduction, I’m actively watching for it to fall into the trap that People’s warns against. Its claims of being written specifically to right the wrongs perpetrated on Americans and American history by books such as People’s, has me scanning it extra-closely. Patriot’s should at least try to be better without committing the errors that People’s accuses other history books of, right? They should be able to beat People’s at its own game, right? Right?

I guess not. In making his case for People’s, Zinn accused historians of justifying atrocities by focusing on other matters. Specifically, Zinn called out the Columbus historian Samuel Eliot Morison for focusing too much on Columbus’s sailing skills and not enough on his, ahem, people skills. What do the authors of Patriot’sPatriot’s do? They quote Morison’s praise of Columbus.

But that’s OK. Allen and Schweikart probably weren’t expecting an audience that had aslo read People’s.

Let the Crazy Begin – Did Columbus Really Do “You Know What” to the Indians?

The concern that People’s raised is good to be adapted. A concern for misleading statements can go a long way. The problem with Patriot’s is it lays down such idiotic statements as this:

“[Columbus] did not, as is popularly believed, originate the idea that the earth is round. As early as 1480, for example, he read works proclaiming the sphericity of the planet. But knowing intellectually that the earth is round and demonstrating it physically are two different things.”

What the hell does that mean? What group of shitheads “popularly” believes Columbus originated the round-world idea? On second thought, I don’t want to know. But what’s this nonsense about knowing something intellectually and demonstrating it physically. I can hear the Apollo 11 astronauts right now as they went around the moon – “I knew it! Buzz, you asshole! I knew the moon wasn’t flat!”

Pictured, from left: The Moon is Round bet winner, Bookie, and bet Loser.

Patriot’s makes some other questionable statements, but they don’t amount to much more than ham-handed writing. In fact, while reading of Cortes’s military superiority of over the Aztecs, I couldn’t tell if Patriot’s was praising or condemning the Spaniards. I think this is a good thing and I hope Patriot’s keeps it up. While People’s has a narrow focus that could be praised for its goal, Patriot’s makes no small claims about it’s book. It’s trying to be the be all and end all of U.S. History books. It’s obviously going to make some mistakes on the way, but to write with an unbiased voice is impressive (especially since the beginning of Patriot’s was nothing but biased).

But then Patriot’s does something very strange. Right in the middle of the chapter, there’s an infoblock entitled “Did Columbus Kill Most of the Indians?” It comes out of nowhere and it includes nothing but misguided and misleading information. For example, here’s how the infoblock starts:

The five-hundred-year anniversary of Columbia’s discovery of was marked by unusual and strident controversy. Rising up to challenge the intrepid voyager’s courage and vision – as well as the establishment of European civilization in the New World – was a crescendo of damnation, which posited that the Genoese navigator was a mass murderer akin to Adolf Hitler. Even the establishment of European outposts was, according to the revisionist critique, a regrettable development. Although this division of interpretations no doubt confused and dampened many a Columbian festival in 1992, it also elicited a most intriguing historical debate: did the esteemed Admiral of the Ocean Sea kill almost all the Indians?

Besides “where the hell does this come from?” the next question is “what the hell is it doing here?” The authors go through five “reasons” that Columbus didn’t “kill most of the Indians, but the extreme carelessness of the authors to include this biased and misleading infoblock means one of two things. Either they don’t know that their arguments are misleading because they’re are idiots, or that they do know they are being misleading and they are just playing to the base because they’re assholes.

But let’s say it’s neither and that the arguments Patriot’s uses are valid. Since Patriot’s played the Hitler card first, would the same argumentative device would work for der Fuhrer? Let’s see. I’ll switch Columbus’s name for Hitler’s and “Jews” for “Indians” and leave you with the actual quote from Patriot’s.

Did Hitler kill most of the Jews?

1. First of all, estimating the number of Jews in Europe before Hitler’s arrival is very difficult. Some say there were as many as 8 million. [Actual quote: “Pre-Columbian native population numbers are much smaller than critics have maintained.” Remember, kids, you can’t kill what isn’t there.]

2. Jews were being slaughtered long before Hitler arrived. [Actual quote: “Native populations had epidemics long before Europeans arrived.” See that? The murder of thousands of Indians at the hands of invading Europeans is just another epidemic. This is where the authors of Patriot’s are being assholes. When germs kill millions of people, it’s called an epidemic. When people kill millions of people, it’s called genocide.]

3. There is little evidence available for estimating the numbers of Jews lost in warfare prior to Hitler. [Actual quote: “There is little evidence available for estimating the numbers of people lost in warfare prior to the Europeans.” So? What the hell does this have to do with anything? ]

4. Large areas of Germany and Central Europe were depopulated more than a hundred years before the arrival of Hitler. [Actual quote: “Large areas of Mexico and the Southwest were depopulated more than a hundred years before the arrival of Columbus.” Good thing Columbus didn’t land in Mexico or the Southwest. There would have been a lot less Indians for him to kill.]

5. European scholars have long appreciated the dynamic of small-state diplomacy, such as was involved in the Italian or German small states in the nineteenth century. What has been missing from the discussions about Jewish populations has been a recognition that in many ways the Jews resembled small states in Europe: they concerned themselves more with traditional enemies (other Jews) than with new ones (Nazis). [Actual quote: “European scholars have long appreciated the dynamic of small-state diplomacy, such as was involved in the Italian or German small states in the nineteenth century. What has been missing from the discussions about native populations has been a recognition that in many ways the tribes resembled small states in Europe: they concerned themselves more with traditional enemies (other tribes) than with new ones (whites).” That’s all fine and good, but that discussion about native populations resembling small states in Europe was missing from Columbus’ evaluation of them as well. Appreciating dynamics long after the fact doesn’t change the genocide brought on these native populations, dumbasses. Nice try.]

So you see, claims of the Hitler Holocaust are just silly. There is no way Hitler killed all the Jews. Sure, he’s responsible for killing millions of Jews, but he didn’t kill all of them. And don’t let any of those Marxist/leftist/communist/revisionist/elitist/whateverist historians tell you any different, ya hear?

The Best of the Rest

Surprisingly, the rest of the first chapter continues this flip-flop pattern between outlandish, American exceptionalist claims and even-headed, rational historical descriptions. It’s a little hard to take at times. Your senses will perk up to a sentence like, “English colonists found land so abundant that anyone could own it,” (“anyone” white, that is), when Patriot’s throws you a changeup with thoughtful sentences like, “New microbes transported by the Europeans generated a much higher level of infection than previously experienced by the Indians; then, in a vicious circle, warring Indian tribes spread the diseases among one another when they attacked enemy tribes and carried off infected prisoners.”

I could pick at other unsubstantiated and/or misleading claims in the first chapter – there’s plenty. I could praise the understanding and, yes, at times honest evaluations of history that Patriot’s makes. There are plenty of those too. But that’s not what I’m after with this series of articles. I’m trying to see which book offers a better view of U.S. History.

Unfortunately, Patriot’s isn’t very good at being a history book. It’s too basic so far. While none of the history in Patriot’s is news to me, I suppose it would be to someone who doesn’t know American history. The problem is, Patriot’s is 900 pages long. A competent scholar could write 900 pages on the arrival of Europeans in America and everyone from a business major to a history major would learn something. When Patriot’s covers the subject in 35 pages (and specifically omits the subject matter of People’s), don’t expect to learn much.

I’m really hoping that changes in the other chapters.

The Missing Links – March 26, 2011

The Missing Links is just what it sounds like – a collection of links to interesting things I found on the interwebs this week. I hope you enjoy them. This is the ninth in a never-ending series.

Winner! Dan Savage, who is awesome. There’s no two ways around it. We got some serious Savage love going on this week at …And Read All Over. If you don’t already do it, check out his weekly article here. Also, Savage and his husband, Terry Miller, were interviewed on NPR’s Fresh Air this week. Check it. Finally, Savage and Miller are the founders of the It Gets Better Project. If you don’t know, now you know. Dan Savage = Hero.
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A Close Second: From PCWorld comes 10 ways Linux is making life better. Windows 7 is great and all, but I’m really ready to ditch it. Now if I could just convince my wife that we need another computer…
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Best in Show: Yo, Philly Phans! We get a bad rap, but that’s ok. We know you’re all just trying to hide the times you acted like asses. Besides, at least we enough cajones to boo the likes of Sarah Palin and Snookie. Do something.
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And this week’s Crazypants Award goes to… Michelle Bachmann. I know that’s sort of a cop out, so here’s Helen Staudinger, a 92-year-old woman who shot her neighbor when he refused to kiss her. Mug shot below.

Random Links

For New Yorkers and map nuts, this is pretty cool. It’s an interactive map that let’s you compare New York 1811 to New York 2011. Neato.
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I’ve never heard of this guy Charlie Booker, but I’m going to have to check him out. Seems like the British equivalent of a Daily Show, no? I’ll let you know if I find more awesome videos from him.
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The Office Space Bliss desktop background by Burt Gummer. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

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Introducing… the Fixers’ Collective, a Brooklyn-based organization that fixes things just for the joy of it.
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In the not too distant future, some democracies will be without religion – because that’s what the cool kids want. Maybe. Who cares? I would read this short article just for a gander at Jackie’s comment. I love crazy interwebs people. Props to K-Dogg for the Vonnegut reference.
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Finally, after years of wrangling, Florida lawmakers are ready to make it illegal to rape goats. Finally.

Links on Language:

Babel’s Dawn has an interesting post that interprets John Shea’s new paper, Homo sapiens Is as Homo sapiens Was, in terms of what it means for the origins of language.
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Google’s Book Settlement has been rejected. I can sympathize with both sides of the case here, but I really hope they figure out a way to solve this issue. E-books are the future. But didn’t we already know that?
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Anybody play Call of Duty? Apparently in all their “research,” they forgot to study whether or not the street signs in Pakistan are in Arabic (they’re not). Gamers jumped all over this pretty quickly. Here’s Kumail Nanjiani, who is from Karachi, talking about the whole mess.
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OMG in the OED.

The Missing Links – March 18, 2011

The Missing Links is just what it sounds like – a collection of links to interesting things I found on the interwebs this week. I hope you enjoy them. This is the eighth in a never-ending series.

Winner! The story behind the picture of the great Johnny Cash flipping the bird.
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A Close Second: Anthropologists have updated their views on how humans moved away from apes. See? I knew natural selection was a bunch of hooey. Never believe someone who marries their cousin.
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Best in Show: You may know about the Grandfather Paradox, where a person travels back in time and kills their grandfather, therefore negating their own existence, but have you heard of the Grandfather Paradox by Proxy? This is when a person merely tells someone in the past to kill their grandfather. What am I getting at here? A bunch of really cool theoretical physics involving the Large Hadron Collider.
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And this week’s Crazypants Award goes to… Minnesota Republicans, who have introduced legislation that would make it illegal for people on public assistance to have more than $20 cash in their pocket. What. The. Fuck. Here is House File 171 straight from the horse’s mouth.

Language Links

This is probably going to piss off my ancestors, but loyalty does not behoove those on the quest for knowledge. Here is an article claiming that the existence of “No Irish Need Apply” signs is a myth or, at least, a drastic exaggeration. Happy St. Patrick’s Day Hangover.
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Speaking o’ the Irish, here’s a short lesson on the history of spelling in Irish (Gaelic).
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The latest editions to the OED: Skype and coat.

This Week in Depressing/Infuriating News

Harper Collins has started enforcing restrictions on the e-books that it sells to libraries, claiming that the e-books are only allowed to be lent out 26 times before they expire and the library must buy the book again. This is only the most recent example of publishing companies shooting themselves in the foot by trying to resist change. Learn from the record companies, dummies.
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Another case of Apple being a bunch of douches. The hardware giant is being accused of deliberately slowing down apps that aren’t distributed through their app store.

Random Cool Links

Image Courtesy of PopSci

Transmissions, cooling systems, and power trains could be made obsolete by this shockwave generator, which was designed by Norbert Müller and colleagues at Michigan State University. I hope, hope, hope the car companies jump on this quicker than they jumped on the hybrid engine technology. Hope.
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Wanna know more about hydrogen fuel cells? You got it.
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This is what happens when you let a nine-month-old pick your March Madness bracket. Cute, but we all know that octopi are the real savants in sports tournaments.
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I assume you’re already filled out your basketball March Madness bracket, but what about your Worst Company in America bracket? Or your Muppet March Madness bracket? Mental_floss brings you 12 Non-Basketball March Madness Brackets.
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Also from mental_floss comes three strange California politicians. Tony Clifton lives! (Maybe.)

Have a great weekend!

The Best Stress Reliever in the World – Anger Yoga

Do you experience frustration from time to time? Have you ever been fed-up with something? Do the packed yoga classes have you at your wits end? Well suffer no longer, my friends. There’s a new craze sweeping the nation and it’s here to help you with your anger. In fact, it’s called Anger Yoga.

As an experienced professional in such complementary and alternative medicine as Japanese Eyeball Poking, I am uniquely qualified to introduce you to the wonderful world of Anger Yoga.

I can hear you asking, “But, Dr. McVeigh, what is this Anger Yoga you speak of?” Anger Yoga offers the same relief as real yoga, but without all the bending and flexing and farting. So how does it work? I’m glad you asked.

In the most common form of Anger Yoga, the practitioner enters a yoga class and kicks the closest person right in the gut. It doesn’t matter what yoga pose they are in the middle of, so long as the Anger Yoga practitioner puts the majority of their aggression into the kick. This is how Anger Yoga can relieve stress. One swift boot to another person’s face or ass and you are bound to feel better, my friends.

Just look at these dickwads. They’re praying for a boot in the ass.

You see, Anger Yoga involves a person bottling up their anger and emotions until the time comes that a yoga class is in session. The Anger Yoga student then goes to that class about 10 minutes after it starts, walks in, and proceeds to release their frustrations through a series of gut punches, body slams, and elbow drops. The trick is to channel your anger into whichever part of your body is landing on the unsuspecting yoga student. This could mean transferring your frustrations to a yogi through a swift headbutt or conferring your aggravation to a yoga student through a well-executed pile driver.

It may sound simple, but people spend years becoming Anger Yoga masters. I, for one, have been practicing Anger Yoga for, like, a hundred years, which is why I am the only person in the U.S. and A. that is qualified to train you in the art of spiritual enlightenment and physical pain giving through Anger Yoga. With my guidance and the art of Anger Yoga, you will never be frustrated again.

Call now.

The Missing Links – March 11, 2011

The Missing Links is just what it sounds like – a collection of links to interesting things I found on the interwebs this week. I hope you enjoy them. This is the seventh in a never-ending series.

Winner! Mental_floss has a short article (with video) of Mr. Rogers’ Lifetime Achievement Award acceptance speech. I loved me some Mr. Rogers growing up. Hell, I still Mr. Rogers. Here’s a few reasons why.
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A Close Second: In this TED Talk, Dr. Anthony Atala prints a human kidney.
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Best in Show: Stephen King on taxes and unions and the Tea Party. It’s no secret that King is punk rock.
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And this week’s Crazypants Award goes to… the woman with a monkey in her bra. Not really much more to say about this one.


Random Links – About species that get diseases (humans) and species that do not (sharks)

Independent experts have found that the drug companies did not influence the WHO’s handling of the H1N1 pandemic. In lighter news, the WHO’s ineptitude means that if H1N1 had been bad, millions of people would have died.
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After all these years (ok, I’m still quite young), sharks are still fascinating to me. Here’s the mystery of Helicprion, the whorl-toothed shark.
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Here’s an interactive map of the well-being of the U.S. See how your county matches up (but don’t get too bummed if all your neighbors are depressed, ok?)

Language – The Official American Language and Where She’s From

Johnson at the Economist explains what grammar really is and why National Grammar Day means power to the people!
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Here’s a guest post on Schott’s Vocab by Robert Lane Greene about THE DECLINE OF ENGLISH and y itz a lode of craps, y’all.
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Stan Carey explains where she is from.
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The Hot Word on the hardest words to translate into English? I know from experience that Finns will tell you sisu is the hardest Finnish word to translate, but I think it’s just a matter of context. In my opinion, tsemppi is the toughest one.
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The U.S. finally has an official language. Rejoice!