Do you experience frustration from time to time? Have you ever been fed-up with something? Do the packed yoga classes have you at your wits end? Well suffer no longer, my friends. There’s a new craze sweeping the nation and it’s here to help you with your anger. In fact, it’s called Anger Yoga.
As an experienced professional in such complementary and alternative medicine as Japanese Eyeball Poking, I am uniquely qualified to introduce you to the wonderful world of Anger Yoga.
I can hear you asking, “But, Dr. McVeigh, what is this Anger Yoga you speak of?” Anger Yoga offers the same relief as real yoga, but without all the bending and flexing and farting. So how does it work? I’m glad you asked.
In the most common form of Anger Yoga, the practitioner enters a yoga class and kicks the closest person right in the gut. It doesn’t matter what yoga pose they are in the middle of, so long as the Anger Yoga practitioner puts the majority of their aggression into the kick. This is how Anger Yoga can relieve stress. One swift boot to another person’s face or ass and you are bound to feel better, my friends.
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| Just look at these dickwads. They’re praying for a boot in the ass. |
You see, Anger Yoga involves a person bottling up their anger and emotions until the time comes that a yoga class is in session. The Anger Yoga student then goes to that class about 10 minutes after it starts, walks in, and proceeds to release their frustrations through a series of gut punches, body slams, and elbow drops. The trick is to channel your anger into whichever part of your body is landing on the unsuspecting yoga student. This could mean transferring your frustrations to a yogi through a swift headbutt or conferring your aggravation to a yoga student through a well-executed pile driver.
It may sound simple, but people spend years becoming Anger Yoga masters. I, for one, have been practicing Anger Yoga for, like, a hundred years, which is why I am the only person in the U.S. and A. that is qualified to train you in the art of spiritual enlightenment and physical pain giving through Anger Yoga. With my guidance and the art of Anger Yoga, you will never be frustrated again.
Call now.
