Dear Amy Chua,
I just read your excellent book about Asian mothers, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, and it was great. You have as much research in there as Jenny McCarthy, America’s other famous authority on all things motherly. Did you two go to the same school?
As great as your book was, there’s just one small problem I had with it – where’s the part about how to raise fertile children? I mean, if there’s one thing I knew about Asia before reading this book, it’s that people in the East know how to make some babies. Maybe that’s why they’re such good mothers? Practice, practice, practice.
But I mean, how could you leave that part out of the book? If I’m going to ensure the McVeigh name is here to stay, I need to make some McVeighs, know what I’m saying? And what better way to learn how to make healthy, successful little McVeighs than by learning what Asian people do? When in Asia, do it like the Asians, amIright?
Amy, I think you should start writing the second edition of your book right now. But don’t change a thing! Just put another chapter in there about how Asian kids are able to grow up and have so many other Asian kids. Inquiring minds want to know, Amy.
Wait a minute… I get it. That’s the theme for your next book. Battle Hymn teaches Western mothers how to be Warrior Mothers, while your next book will teach them how to have children that make rabbits seem barren. Genius, Amy! Bravo!
So what’s the sequel going to be called? Wait, let me guess. How about All Spawning on the Western Front? Or The Land of the Rising Population? Or maybe, and this is my favorite, A Tiger is a Bad Metaphor for How Virile Your Children Will Be Because They’re Gonna Make it Rain Babies Up in this Hemisphere?
Related: My Quest to be a Tiger Father